Officially not insane

Officially not insane!  I am crazy, as my kids love to tell people.  I believe everyone is a bit crazy. They have their own flavor of it though.  I do not have a sign around my neck telling people I am multiple.  If you don't know me intimately, you may know me for years and never find out.  The brain is an amazing organ and it is very creative when it comes to self-preservation.  DID is developed when the mind and/or body are so traumatized that the mind can not handle the ramifications of fear/stress/pain and it creates another entity to hold those ramifications separate from the rest of the mind.  It is said in some research that the average age for the beginnings of DID is usually around age five or six, although it is not unheard of for it to begin at a younger age.  Once the mind develops a coping mechanism of this extreme to handle trauma, it becomes easier for the mind to repeat the process.

In my case we know of the members of the committee and that there are others who have been "snapshots" of events or times in which the actual memories of an event are captured. They can sit dormant for years until something "triggers" them awake.  It is like living in a mine field at times, never knowing when the next step is going to blow up in your face. These alters frequently do not remain and once their trauma is emotionally dealt with.  I have been told it is like getting to know me at different ages and how I interacted and viewed the world.  It seems to be the only perk to helping me through the times of being triggered.

I was in therapy for quite awhile before I was diagnosed.  I can remember when my therapist explained it to me.  She asked me if I wanted to know what the diagnosis was and I said. "Sure."  She then explained to me I had PTSD with DID, acute anxiety, and major depression.  I made note of the information and it was locked away.  I could tell people what it was but it had no meaning or understanding to me.  I wasn't ready to comprehend what I had been told.  It was a year later before I began to grasp what exactly I had been told.  I can still remember taking my friend in to therapy with me after she started asking me questions and I had sudden understanding.  I felt as though I had come across some huge discovery.  My therapist was not surprised by my discovery. (after all she was the one who had diagnosed me) She had expected it to take much longer for me to understand but handled the change well. 


It was soon after that my alters started presenting themselves and my world went flying into the stars it seemed.