Freak out

Today is the day we started to freak out about being in a focus group on sexual trauma.  We have to give a brief talk next week about one of the incidents that happened in my life.  The entire system is in a panic.  We are taking this one moment at a time but it is incredibly hard. 
Julie girl and JJ have been out several times and Serenity keeps being pushed out because we lose the ability to verbalize from the anxiety attacks. 

We have been making lists again to keep track of what we are doing during the day.  It gives us a feeling of having a small bit of control.  I am tired though and the world keeps going.  I applied for Social Security this week.  It is frightening and sad to be there.  My skin is crawling I have to go.

Fast switching but a good day

We had an ongoing switch today. It made for having conversation a bit challenging to say the least.  We began with Julie Girl talking to David about some nails he was using and how she didn't think they would work and end with George talking to him about different types of staples to use for a project.  The switching has been fast and intense to say the least.

Emma shut us down this afternoon after we spent the morning helping a friend work on her resume.  She hit the off button and we were down for a couple of hours.  I wish we could say it was sleep but it is more like a nothingness, where there are not dreams and no memories, where we wake up more exhausted than before we slept.

We did have an amazingly productive evening though.  Laura was able to get the shoes and boots organized into plastic storage drawers, which will protect them and make the shoes easier to get to.  This is a big plus in our world.  She also got her hands on a great straw broom and was able to really get the floors swept clean.  She is a very happy girl and she has empty plastic storage boxes to use on another project.  Bonus for her!

We are purchasing a new frog for Julie Girl and JJ's fish tank tomorrow.  They take amazing care of their tank and it is something they take great joy in.  We just have to keep them from putting to many fish into the tank.

It has been a pretty good day.

Sick should not be interesting

When one is sick it sucks, when the committee is sick, life gets interesting.  I have had the creepy crude for days.  All the famous flu symptoms of which I will not regale you.  As a general rule when the body is injured or in pain, it is Jewel's job to handle it.  When the body is sick, it often gets rotated through a number of the committee members.  The other day Julie Girl completely lost her cool.  As in full on temper tantrum and crying fit because she hurt so much.  I'm sure all of you have seen a sick child just lose it because they can not express what is happening in words and they just want to crawl into daddy's lap.  Now picture that same crying fit happening with all that frustrated little girl pain in the body of a 41 year old woman.  It is not a pretty sight and there is no consoling the child because we can't pull her back inside.  She wants her daddy to fix it and that is just all there is to it!

Now as we slowly recover, all of the little's are sleeping most of the time and we are exhausted.  I wish we could keep this from them but our system doesn't work that way.  So tonight the body is exhausted, our throat hurts and we are fighting the overwhelming desire to just cry as we fight the pain in our back.  Julie Girl and Jewel worked on a design for stuffed dragons tonight and Charlie is figuring it out in crochet.  We will see what they come up with but for now we are going to bed.

Remember, memories can not own you but sometimes they will define who you are, if you let them.